God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
