Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
