Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
she pinky promised me she was 18
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
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Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
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