Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
Randomize
