things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
