yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Randomize
