Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
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