I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
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