I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
Define "chronic" masturbator.
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
Houston, we have a squirter
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
Randomize