This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
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