i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
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