you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
What a dumb baby whore.
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
