are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
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