I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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