Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
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