Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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