i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
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