She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
You ate ashes out of my bong
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
