Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
So much rum. So many feels.
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
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