i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
Randomize
