At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
Randomize
