Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
Randomize
