I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
Randomize
