hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
