I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
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