my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
Randomize
