cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
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