What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
