'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
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