You really coming over, don't trick.
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
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