Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
You did what with his pubic hair?
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