my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
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