my vag is so smooth its legendary
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
the day after is always just damage control
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
