My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize