He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
Randomize
