he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
