community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
Randomize
