So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
