so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
Randomize
