I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
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