I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
I woke up under a house in Key West
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