Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
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