Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
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