the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
And then my night got REAL pukey
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
Randomize
