im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
be right there i have to get my cape
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
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