I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
Randomize
