Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
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