Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Randomize
