the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Randomize
