He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
Randomize
