he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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