Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
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