did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
Randomize
