I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
Randomize
