I wish I could punch you in the face.
i would punch a child for taco bell
Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
