no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
Randomize
