You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
