Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Randomize
