Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
I'm laying in your front yard are you home
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
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