Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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