We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
Best friends brother. Beat that.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
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Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
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